Talking to family about having a home birth. Turn skeptics to supporters.


Hi, welcome to well rounded
momma’s YouTube channel today. Sarah and I would like to talk to you
about how to talk to your family about having a home birth. We get that question a lot
because obviously it’s super
mainstream to have your baby in the hospital and so
when a couple comes in or a um, you know, a pregnant person comes in and
they are deciding to have a home birth, telling other people about it can be
difficult potentially because maybe you get, um, not the reaction that you
were hoping for. Is that fair to say? that was very Politically correct of
me.. I get a cookie. Very diplomatic. Um, as I was thinking about like the
advice that I give clients and that I was thinking though of the S’s and
so I came up with five S’s. I love it. Anyways, I have a lot of families who actually
don’t want to tell their families and they keep it from them and I can never tell
people what to do or how to live their life and I have no idea what individual’s
family makeup and dynamic looks like. Um, and, but we thought that this time of year
would be a perfect time to address some of these things as it’s the holiday and
you’re going to see lots of family. Thanksgiving is here. So for some people that’s so exciting
and some people they’re like, Oh my God, I’m going to my family’s house. And we thought we would give
you five little tips. The first thing I thought
of was um, support. I think sometimes people don’t give other
people the benefit of the doubt and I have seen families once they’re given the
information and the ability to do what they will with that information. Sometimes I find that my clients are
surprised that their family reacted better than they thought. Yeah.
I was actually shocked. My inlaws were totally like
hippies burnt their bras like, and they were not happy that
I was planning a homebirth. There’s no reaction. No. I was expecting them to be more positive
when in fact my parents were totally on board. And having a support system
in place I think is so important. Anytime anybody is bringing a baby into
the world because having support during pregnancy, after pregnancy, during
labor, during delivery. And so, um, because although you’ve hired an amazing
birth team and you have that nobody supports you the way family support to
or knows you the way that family does, at least that’s the hope. Right? And so that was the first thing that
I thought of was giving people that opportunity to support you is
really such a gift and a blessing. Um, I think it’s hard for us to
admit when we help and sorry, but I don’t think there would be a
pregnant human on this planet couldn’t use some kind of support. So the next thing I want to talk
about is setting boundaries. And so setting boundaries ahead of time, like so you and your partner or if you
are single and don’t have a partner, um, you have to set those before going to
your family of what your boundaries are so that you’re not stumbling and figuring
out what your boundaries are alongside them. Like you go in and going, this is the boundaries that I’m setting
as far as what information I’m going to divulge, what stuff is my personal choice in my
personal decisions and thinks I’m gonna include my family. And I’m always really shocked at the
lack of privacy that pregnant individuals have. You have strangers that
come up to you and are like, are you having a boy or a girl? Or
if you’re having your third kid, they’re like, are you done? Or
where are you having your baby? How are you doing? People are very opinionated about
things that have none of your business. And so setting those boundaries ahead
of time on where you’re going to kind of draw your line in the sand, I
think is always really important. And than nobody’s surprised because
you’ve went ahead and you’ve set that boundary and you have the
support of your partner, um, if your partners involved with your birth. So the next thing that I
wanted to talk a little bit, and I’m going to turn over to Sarah A. Little bit since she’s an amazing
childbirth educator as well, is studies that knowing studies, information and education can always be
a help when you’re going to your family. Because sometimes they just want to have
an understanding of why knowledge is power. Just in general, like know
what some of those statistics are. Um, and you know, presenting it in a way that’s a little
bit more palatable sometimes like obviously coming to them with like just
a list of statistics maybe won’t be great, but you could have
the watch like a movie, like the business of being
born or something like that. That’s a little bit easier to like
understand those concepts and you know, just knowing that birth isn’t
the same as their generation. Like just the options available
to you. The things that we know, like things are just very
different now. they just are . So just kinda coming
forward with, you know, information in a way that they can
understand. I think also direct them, I think directing them
to websites or books or, and allowing them to take ownership of
if this is really a concern to them, they should put in the time and the energy
to actually do their own homework and to being able to kind of guide
and direct them as to, Hey, this is actually in other countries. This is actually the number one way that
low risk women are cared for and here’s why. Um, and, and not being afraid to allow them
to ask respectful questions to you. Um, which kind of goes into the next S so, so far we have support
setting boundaries, um, studies and the next one would be
schedule and so scheduling appointment for them to meet your midwife. Yep.
I think that’s the best one. So like I sometimes have clients come to
me like very apologetically like, Whoa, my mom wants to come. So
then I’m like, Oh my gosh, I can have the moms mother-in-law’s dad’s
father-in-law’s and let them come and drill us. Oh my gosh. We
will answer all of them. We are not afraid of your
family members. Even a tiny bit. And so I think once they come
to an appointment with, um, wherever you are, uh, you, they’ll
learn so much because you’ll see, they’ll see us doing diagnostics
and asking questions and um, there really becomes like,
I think a level of comfort. And so it’s really common that someone
comes to me afraid and leaves with like, Oh my gosh, I was so afraid. And then I met you and
realized you weren’t like, I don’t know. I don’t know what
people thought I was, we should ask. That should be the next, um,
that should be the next poll. Right? Like before you knew what a
midwife was, what did she think we were, what did you think we were funny, a funny poll. Well, there’s funny movies that came out
like that one with Jennifer Lopez. She liked drums and has sage and it’s happening, she’s about
to get into the water. Amazing how the human body can just open
up like that what is that? perfectly natural. There’s some SNL skits too and taking these extreme kind of scenarios
and making us look a little different than we are. Like taking parts of us that are real
and true and just kind of blowing it up 1000000%. Like if you want
us to late say to your birth, we will absolutely do that. But
we’re not going to like come back in. We don’t sing dance chant. Yeah, I know all the things, but if they
want it, but it’s generally a bit, you don’t have to do
that. Thank goodness. So, um, so scheduling a time for them
to come meet your care provider. And the last thing is the subtlety.
Don’t be subtle. Be clear, forthright. Um, most
people want to know what, where their places, that is a problem. I take that to the 10th degree and
like liking to know where I sit. But most people want to know their role, what they can and can’t do. And
so if ahead of time you say, this is how I envision you involved
in my pregnancy, labor and delivery, people are comfortable with that. It’s when you aren’t divulging
that people create their own roles. And then sometimes when things don’t go
the way they envisioned in their minds, then their feelings are hurt. And they
take that out on you even subconsciously. And it’s because they didn’t really
know upfront what was expected of them. Well, and I think sometimes family
members think if you’re not like clear and forthright about it, that the reason why is because you’re
not really convinced that that’s what you want. And like maybe they think, Oh, maybe you are a little
bit fearful of this. Let me just give you some more
information about, you know, things that can go wrong,
which is well meaning, but it’s not really like ultimately
helpful. Yeah. That’s so good. Yeah. Some little tips and tricks, how to talk to your family
about the choices you’re making. So we have support studies,
schedule, set boundaries, and don’t be subtle about the
information you’re delivering it. Clear and forthright.
Thanks for joining us. Hopefully you have a
wonderful Thanksgiving.
We’ll be thinking of you, um, as well as our clients and sending them
all the love and peace and posterity that they might be filled with gratitude. And so if we find that helpful,
like, subscribe, ring the bell, share with your friends.
We’re trying really hard. We get really positive feedback
about the videos from our clients. But anytime you have some feedback
about what you’d like to see always, or taking suggestions, we would love
to hear from you in any way, shape, or form and answer those questions. We like people talking about it because
we think the more you talk about something, the more it becomes
the norm. Home birth is a norm. It’s just might not be in
our particular culture, but I feel like you have the ability
to change that and crack that. And so you can be a part of that movement
and so share with people and yeah, that’s it. So peace out. Maybe you could start out with, I’m having my baby in the middle of
the desert in a tent and then be like, no, just kidding. It’s going
to be in my living room. Does that feel better in a tub I rented? It’s fine. We did it.

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