DOULA

DOULA


-Are you okay in there, honey?
-Yes! Rogerio, I know it’s hard for you
to take a dump at my place. It’s my moment, Vanessa!
Leave me alone! I know that, but it’s hard
for me to hear you struggling. It’s bad
for your hemorrhoids! -I have Fatima with me…
-C’mon! It’s busy! -Fatima is a doula.
-I don’t give a shit, Vanessa! Exactly!
That’s why she’s here. -What’s a doula?
-A midwife. -She does human pooping.
-Human pooping? Defecation is one of the most
beautiful processes in nature. Don’t be ashamed. -How long are the movement gaps?
-I don’t know! One a minute. So it’s in the large intestine.
What did you eat? -Oxtail.
-We don’t judge here. Don’t you want to try it
in a bathtub? Bathtubs are lulling, it reminds us of when
we defecated as babies. I rather stay here.
Stay here, honey. She’ll be with you
the whole time. The partner’s presence
is crucial. I’ll hold your hand. What are you doing,
Ms. Doula? There! It’s crowning. It’s working, Rogerio.
Keep it up. -I’m nervous.
-Easy. Relax. We have
all the time in the world. Some defecation labors
take five days. Fatima worked for five years
at the bus station’s restroom. -She’s experienced.
-I’m sweating! Easy, easy. -Vanessa…
-Easy… Kumbaya, my Lord -I’m Evangelical.
-It’s not the time for dogmas. It’s a poop. Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya It smells. Rogerio,
now you have to concentrate. -Look at me.
-I’m weak! Don’t worry.
Look into my eyes. -You can do it.
-It’s coming, Rogerio! One… That’s it. Two…
Doggy breathing. I can see a little arm! Go! Go! Push! You can do it! Go! Go! That’s it! -Give me a hug.
-Ms. Doula… -Thank you.
-I’m so proud of you, honey. Thank you! -I’ll never shit again!
-Everyone says that. -Take your time, Rogerio.
-My God… It looks like you, Rogerio! But there’s a little
of Mariana’s oxtail, right? -Yes.
-The red parts are the beets. -How much does it weigh?
-One pound. -Wow…
-Let me smell it. -It smells of matches.
-That’s right. -What?
-It kicked. -They’re twins?
-My God… Call Fatima, guys! Kumbaya, my Lord Kumbaya, my Lord

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