“DEAR ADELAIDE” | A Letter For Our Stillborn Daughter

“DEAR ADELAIDE” | A Letter For Our Stillborn Daughter


>>HEIDI: It is currently 8:18 am which is
the time five years ago that Adelaide was born. [Music: “Passing Time” by Kevin MacLeod]>>HEIDI: Dear Adelaide, today is December
2nd. It’s your fifth birthday. If you were alive, you’d be getting ready
to go into kindergarten. But instead, your birth was a silent one. I remember on the first, going to my midwife
appointment, and hearing the words, “I don’t think she’s alive anymore.” And the shock as we drove to the hospital,
getting ready to have the induction. This year feels really huge, and in a lot
of ways it feels so long ago. But on your birthday, it also feels like I’m
right there, in labor, all over again. Dear Adelaide, there were no Christmas decorations
when I went into the hospital on December 1st, but when I came out on December 2nd,
the Arizona Saguaro cactus had little santa hats on it. Every year, for your birthday so far, we have
gone to the hospital. We’ve gone into the chapel and prayed for
all the babies that are in the NICU. But this year, we moved. So I didn’t get to see the saguaros with the
little santa hats on them. Instead, I made you a little cactus with a
santa hat. Dear Adelaide, Rosalind is kind of starting
to understand who you are. Today, she said, “It’s baby sister’s birthday! But not baby Irene’s birthday.” And I had to try to explain to her that while
you died while you were a baby, you’re technically big sister, not baby sister. Instead, she just calls you the lost princess,
like from Rapunzel. And she wanted to release lanterns for you
this year. So today, we ran all over town trying to find
lanterns that we could release into the sky. We couldn’t find any. Instead, we decided to put floating candles
into a lake. It was at a park where your dad first asked
me to be his girlfriend. That was many, many years ago, and it seems
like a world away from when we were those young kids in love. But your birth, on the other hand, was five
years ago – half a decade. And today, it feels like it was just yesterday. I feel like I’m right there in the weeks that
followed. Adelaide, so many people came to your birth. So many people were at the hospital. And so many people came to visit us afterwards. You were so loved and we are not the only
ones who grieved you. Adelaide, thousands have heard your story. You’ve touched thousands of lives, and you
are just so loved. But my arms still ache for you. Your daddy and I love you Adelaide. And you will always, always be our little
girl. So happy birthday my love. We miss you. [Music: “B – Comber Ballads” by Kevin
MacLeod] That was 5 months ago. I’m really grateful for Adelaide, even if
I never have any other children… um… I got to feel her kick. And I got to hold her, and some moms never
get that – some women never get to be moms. And I am a mom, and I will always be a mom. Um… and so, I’m gonna try and make a little
brother or sister, and I’m gonna take you along on our journey. Um… and I hope that this video was helpful for,
um, for other people. And that this… this vlog is gonna be helpful.

100 thoughts on ““DEAR ADELAIDE” | A Letter For Our Stillborn Daughter

  • I love this, even if I am now in tears. thinking if you all, im sure Adelaide is as beautiful and happy as Rosalind and Irene xxx

  • I love this, even if I am now in tears. thinking if you all, im sure Adelaide is as beautiful and happy as Rosalind and Irene xxx

  • I don't normally comment, but this was so beautiful. I started following you because of your cloth diapering videos and ended up getting addicted to all 3 of your channels and your story. I followed especially TTC with Irene and all through her pregnancy because I was due a month after you. But my son was born April 12th 6 weeks early. I was terrified my whole pregnancy of still birth since I had gestational diabetes and I had many complications ending in the preterm c section. And your videos on Adelaide brought me comfort. While I was scared of stillbirth, I saw how you always remember her and even in sadness there is still good memories. And I knew even if I lost my son there was a future. I think about Adelaide a lot (it's actually my middle name) and I wanted you to know that I do. And that you're one of my favorite youtubers because your story and your family are so genuine. Happy belated birthday Adelaide.

  • This was so beautiful. Infact, could not hold back the tears. I am sorry for your loss.

    I am a new viewer within the past year and did not know your story. I love watching your daily vlogs. Thanks for sharing your family – you have beautiful girls and you and Ken are very inspiring!

    Xo

    Michelle

  • Such a beautiful video, Heidi.

    My sisters best friend had a daughter who was still born. She was born 2 months after my niece. The girls' 20th birthdays will be coming up. It's so hard to believe it was so long ago.

  • thank you so much for sharing this. i lost my 7 year old baby girl this past april. and i miss her more than anything in the world. i know what you are going through and am here if you need someone to talk to. please let me know if you need anything.

  • Beautiful. Happy 5th Birthday Adelaide. Thank you for making my journey feel less lonely. I am sorry your mommy and daddy have to miss you so much but I truly appreciate that they have shared you and your story with so many. I hope that you are playing with my angels and that you are all happy.
    Thank you Heidi, for sharing Adelaide.

  • It will soon be a year since I lost my precious granddaughter. Marley Jo….full term at 9 months….born sleeping. It was during my grief that I found your videos. Thanks so much!!

  • adelaide would be and probably is the sweetest person anyone could have met it's sad that adelaide couldn't make it my baby brother didn't make it due to a car accident it's sad and it was 10 yrs ago but it still feels like yesterday my mom came to me crying and told me I'm not going to be a big sister now I have a brother and eventhogh he annoys me I'm glad he's here this was an amazing video it made me cry I love you guys you have an awesome inspiring family. we all are sad you don't have adelaide rosland is so cute especially when she wanted to send lanterns for the "lost princess" adelaide

  • Beautiful video!! Our daughter Delaney was born sleeping too and she will be 3 in April!! Happy 5th Birthday Adelaide !!

  • Absolutely beautiful. I am just at a loss for words. Your family will be in my prayers. What a sweet memorial for The Lost Princess!

  • Beautiful Heidi πŸ’— Made me think of our 3 angels as well. So grateful for our 1st rainbow babe as we TTC our 2nd. Love and hugs to you guys xoxo

  • I love this video. Its so beautiful, im glad you still care about her and celebrate her. It hurts me that some vloggers dont.

  • So emotional!
    my cousin just had a sleeping baby boy and this touched my heart more then you will ever know. In currently expecting twin girls.

  • Thank you for sharing this. It's absolutely beautiful. I'm so amazed at how strong you are. You are a wonderful loving mother. Adelaide is a lucky girl to have you two as her parents. Happy Birthday Adelaide…

  • What a touching video, your last two vidoes had me crying like a baby! Adelaide is with the Lord watching Down over her beautiful family. Although I have never experienced a still birth I have had 5 miscarriages, one of which was last year. I was 11 weeks pregnant and going in for a ultrasound when the Dr did the ultrasound they could no longer find the heartbeat. I was devastated, they have gave me the choice to take pills to start the miscarriage process or I could let it happen naturally or I could get a DNC. I chose naturally but after 2 weeks of nothing happening and me still getting sick and still having the pregnancy symptoms my Dr said I should have a DNC…Hardest day of my life by far, I like you have 2 beautiful kiddos, boys ages 6 and 3. Our story's maybe different but your story touches me and I can relate in a lot of ways, Adelaide has brought so many of us together to be a community of support for each other. Happy Birthday Adelaide!

  • I am not sure if I have ever commented on one of your videos but I've been watching you for several years. I recently lost my 2nd pregnancy 3 weeks ago and I am still processing it. people keep asking what I want for Christmas and I say nothing because the truth it, they can't give me what I want and that is to still have my baby. I am so eternally grateful for my sweet 2 year old, she has been my rock through this. Heidi, from one mom to another, I wish I could give you a hug. motherhood is a sisterhood whether you've ever met that person, and then there is this sisterhood of us mother's who have also lost. it's a club none of wish to be in, but there is an unmistakable bond that we all have. Happy birthday sweet Adelaide!

  • This was beautiful. Adelaide has touched everyone's lives that watch your videos. As Rosalind understands, that will touch more lives. Loved and never forgotten.

  • i cried so much through the whole video…. watching ur videos helped me so much when i went through my stillbirth 3 years ago.. and i continue to watch because just like u, i now have 2 more kids but i remember my first born son all the time.. im sorry u and ur family had to lose her. but if it helps u in a any way, hearing ur story made a world of a difference in my life…..

  • heidi and ken, this is just beautiful! i dont know what else to say, precious adelaide <3 Thinking of you both and her beautiful younger sisters. <3

  • So emotional, thank you for sharing your story Im so sorry this happened to you guys my heart breaks for any women who has to go through loosing a child/baby my heart prays for all those broken hearts

  • This is truly beautiful, you have so much strength. All three of your daughter's have two amazing parents. im so glad you shared this with us

  • Dear Adelaide, It's not goodbye. It's until we see you again. Your mommy and daddy and sisters, will see you in the beautiful Heaven God has created. He is preparing their place, but it's not ready yet. Are you helping our Lord build their place? I bet you are. I bet you are making it extra special because of how special they are. Thank you Adelaide, for letting your story be told by your mommy and daddy. You are touching so many lives. We thank you!! Until we see you again, we are YOUR subscribers, too! <3

  • Beautiful letter to Adelaide! I'm sure that she heard it and that she loves it! Just as she does all of you! And when the time comes many long years from now; I'm sure that she will be the first one or one of the first one to welcome you to Heaven with open arms and an open heart! Happy Birthday Adelaide! God Bless You little one and God Bless Your family down here on Earth!

  • Happy Birthday Adelaide! This was such a sweet video, it made me cry so much. I'm so glad that Rosalind is aware of her big sister, and that you're keeping Adelaide's memory alive through this channel. My little sister Maria died when she was 6 days old, so I kinda understand what it feels like to have a piece of your family missing (even though I can't fully understand the grief of losing a child myself). Maria has always been a part of our family, even though we never got to know her. I'm thinking of you and your family, and will be praying for you too. Love from Sweden <3

  • Beautiful. I understand your heartache. My baby boy was stillborn 8months ago, I was 34weeks pregnant. Everyday hurts without him. I'm currently 14weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby but this pregnancy is just so different this time around I'm full of fear of losing another baby. I made an Instagram account dedicated to Leo and my journey after loosing Him, it has helped a lot to be able to share his photos and talk about him. My ig is Journey_after_Leo

  • That was beautiful <3 Rosalind calling her the lost princess and wanting to release lanterns for her is beautiful also. God bless Adelaide and your family <3

  • i dont even know whatbto say other than my thoughts are with you today. you and ken have built such an amazibg family and its wonderful that adelaide is still alive in your hearts and that her little sisters will grow up knowing all about her. rosalind is so sweet to think of sending her lanterns, what a thoughtful little girl. hugs!

  • You express yourself so beautifully and clearly in your videos about loss. Your words and message are important. We don't talk openly about miscarriage, loss, etc., and women suffer for it. Thank you for your courage to share and your candor in your expression.

  • Heidi and Ken…beautiful tribute to a little girl who has touched so many, many lives. Rosalind and Irene will grow up knowing that their guardian angel, Adelaide made you parents. Thank you for sharing sweet Adelaide with the rest of us….

  • this is a beautiful video ! I stumbled across your channel a while back when I was looking for birth story's and have followed you ever since. Your videos helped me through my anxiety of been pregnant and giving birth after a previous miscarriage. Now I have a beautiful 3 year old girl and my rainbow baby a 7 month old baby boy. I really enjoy the honesty of all your videos and you are a awesome family. My thoughts are with you all. Happy Birthday Angel Adelaide xx

  • I'm only just getting to watch this, but I sobbed. Just about held it together until the clip with Ken crying.
    My losses were much earlier but I would have 2 almost 6 year olds, 2 almost 5 year olds and a 4 year old. That's crazy.

    You are an inspiration Heidi and Adelaide has touched so many hearts.

  • Such a beautiful video! πŸ’œ I feel like it was just yesterday when I watched the video of her story! Keeping you guys and your baby girl in my prayers!

  • This is beautiful. I want you to know that although I'm all the way on the other side of the world I often think of Adelaide, I've been following you for a very long time. Sometimes I say her name out loud to let her know she is still thought of. Sending much love to you all xx

  • This was beautifully made, I cried and I am so sorry that you had to go through this but to remember her this way is amazing. God bless you all.

  • Very much a sob fest this morning. In some ways I can't help but feel so connected to your family. We lost our first, we have a little boy and girl similar ages to your littles and my husband is a teacher and I'm a stay at home mom (cloth diapers and all ;P). Everything you said about your experience is so good and so beautiful and so on par with how I feel about our experience. We never got to hold our sweet baby, but even before we had our other two we were so grateful that we were parents. I'm so grateful for you guys being so transparent and willing to share your experience with all of us. I found you guys during a really hard time, and you've been a blessing to me through our grieving process. God knows that your sweet princess Adelaide has made an impact on my life.

  • I'm in tears , I had to wait to be alone to watch your video. I knew it would me cry. what a beautiful tribute to. your little princess. she must be so proud of her amazing parents. <3 sending love to you all

  • My head hurts from tearing so much. This was SUCH a touching video. There's no doubt in my mind that you will be reunited with Adelaide again. She's watching you, spending time with you and I am positive that she's happy that you've kept her memory alive. You have helped so many to move on and cope. Thank you for sharing.

  • YouTube: revenues from this type of video encourage so many subscribers. I joined seeking empathy. I was lacking grandchildren and was an unfulfilled mom having lost a pregnancy before my eldest and after my youngest. Please reconsider.

  • I'm an emotional wreck after watching this, the tears are flowing. She has touched so many people. She's your guardian angel, she'll always be watching down on her little sisters, and on her mommy and daddy. Keep telling her story, it needs to be told β™₯ my heart goes out to you guys, though I don't have children, I can only imagine the loss you have felt for these 5 years. πŸ˜‡

  • I understand your pain. Watched this today, 12/6, which would have been my son, Lucas's first birthday. I know you think about her every day and I hope your other kiddos bring you and Ken all the comfort and joy it takes to fill your heart and help mend the broken parts. My older daughter brings me so much joy and I hope to have another sibling for her to share the love with in the future. I made a donation to your Dressember campaign in Lucas' honor along with some other projects and donations this month. Tonight I will take her to see Christmas lights and make her own donation for toys for tots in his memory.

  • Heidi-Adelaide,
    THANK YOU! <3
    My precious boy was born still on February 14, 2008 & with his 9th birthday approaching, i now know what Im going to do to honor his sweet memory! Happy Birthday, (Late) beautiful girl! I hope your day was amazing in Heaven!! Heidi- sending you a big hug, love! <3

  • So beautiful! Your story has really touched my life! I found out about stillbirthday doulas because of you, and became one. I recently was able to help a friend who lost her twin girls at 24 weeks. I truly believe I wouldn't be on this path if I hadn't come across your videos. Thank you for sharing!

  • Dear Heidi, dear Ken, we lost our baby boy at 32 weeks about a year ago. Since then I've watched every single one of your videos. Your story gave me so much comfort and helped me to learn how to live with my grief. I think of you and Adeleide a lot. Even though I live half a world away in Europe – your little Adelaide touched my heart in so many ways. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Much love to all of you. <3

  • So very sorry for the loss of your beautiful princess, stay strong much love & prayers sent πŸ™πŸ»πŸ’•πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ‘ΆπŸ»

  • It's been 7 years for my son, and almost 6 years for my daughter. I can't imagine having a rainbow. My husband recently admitted he thinks it will happen a third time and is too afraid.

  • So beautiful 😊to beautiful to stay in this flawed and fallen world , God needed a special Angel 😞

  • I'm going through such a hard time . My son was still born on February 1 2017 and it breaks my heart every time I think of him .. I came across your video and it touched my heart… Thank you for sharing .

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