Childbirth


Glorious childbirth. Childbirth is the process of squeezing out a large rugby ball with little grabby bits out of this. It shouldn’t fit! In all honesty, childbirth is the process of going into labor and popping out a child. That’s not as fun of a description though. Childbirth is a positive feedback loop, although many mothers would disagree as only severe pain is experienced during the process. Oh wait… A hormone is released after childbirth that makes the mother feel all nice inside and forget the extreme pain felt just moments ago. Yay endorphins. The stimulus is the baby’s fat head pushing on the cervix. This releases oxytocin receptors which induces extreme baby bounce. (meaty thunk) (baby crying) (thud) The muscular system and gastrointestinal system are involved in childbirth, and so are hormones. The muscular system uses its contraction powers to squeeze the shii-take mushrooms out of a baby until neonate ejection occurs. I’m running out of other names for labor. The gastrointestinal system is involved as the stomach is turned vertical within a woman’s body by the time the homewrecker comes out. Hormones are used to induce- (heavy breathing) FETUS YEETUSING! Oxytocin is the normal hormone used, but prostaglandins are used when things go wrong and the failed abortio- -UH UHHHH baby is still inside the female after the 40th week. If one or more of these processes doesn’t happen, that means one of the bodies isn’t working as intended and is trying to commit what I like to call- toaster bath. Or the mistake is trying to kill the mother. That happens too. How does this happen? Well, the placenta may gradually stop doing its job. What does the placenta do? Ohhhhh, not much. It just provides the fetus with oxygen and nutrients and also filters the baby’s blood and removing nasties. If it stops working, Fetus Deletus will occur. An infection in the womb may also occur. That could kill both humans. And finally, the baby may get too chunky and die before exiting the womb. That’s what happens when prostaglandins don’t work, or the baby was too big before the prostaglandins had to do oxytocin’s job. Geeze oxytocin. Now the best part, sources.

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