[baby fussing] Sorry, guys. That’s all right. Honestly, don’t worry. It’s O.K. The whole process, you’re
led to believe, as a woman, that it’s the most
natural thing that can happen to you, sort of
the purpose of your body. Except it felt incredibly
unnatural and alien to me. I hated the bit
at the beginning where you don’t
really look pregnant. You just look like
you’ve let yourself go. You look like you’ve had too
many Greggs or something. I liked that bit where I
looked discernibly pregnant, and, like, my tits
went really massive and I was a bit, like,
that felt like quite sexy. I was like, “Hey, yeah. I’m just carrying a child.” It was really nice
having nice hair. It was wavy and long. And there was more of it. And I had beautiful nails. That was really nice. The come down from
that, not so nice. But I’d say, the
middle of the pregnancy is a really great time,
because you’re still feeling really comfortable
and you get all the benefits of the hormones kicking in. So that was awesome. The first time
I was pregnant, I didn’t get stretch marks
until the last month. With him it was way more
challenging on my body. I put on more weight. Funny enough, the stretch
marks are not the thing that bothered me the
most. It’s the breasts. Because my boobs are huge, way
bigger than it was with Bebe. And they fell a bit. It’s life. You know, it’s gravity. And in the beginning, I
was really upset about it and I was telling my
husband, you know, “I’m going to get a boob job
when I stop breastfeeding.” The funny thing is is
that it took so long to accept that this is my
body and I should be happy and it’s not good or
bad, it’s just me. And then you get pregnant. And then you slowly
start seeing it change, which is fine, because
you’re growing a human being. But when you
finally give birth and then you’re left
with this new body that you took — it took you
30 years to accept and to love and to figure out
and figure out what works and doesn’t
work and all of a sudden, it’s a completely
different body. I think that’s where my issues
with giving birth came from. Not being able to wear your
own clothes sounds trivial. But actually, just
is another thing that really makes you
not feel like yourself. And it’s one of the things
that makes your life legible to you. Feeling my boyfriend
slightly recoil from me, like on a sexual level. Like he would probably
object to that word, but feeling that shift
of his perception of me as no longer a sexual
being, he was like, “I don’t want to
cover you in spunk, I want to look after you.” I expected lots
of negative things from pregnancy and
from giving birth. And I was prepared
that it’s going to be hard and everything. But I wasn’t expecting
so much love. I really didn’t
even know that I’m capable of so much love,
which dwarfs everything else in comparison. But I was never really too
much in tune with myself as a woman to know how I
looked down there or can’t even define how I
felt down there. But the minute I gave birth, I
knew that everything changed. For me, it wasn’t
really bouncing back into my normal intimate
life with my husband. That took long, long time and
I think two bottles of wine. But I mean, I’m talking about
like seven months I think. The last couple of
weeks of being pregnant, I lost all sensation
in my hands. So one after another, all
10 fingertips went numb. It’s some syndrome
where your wrists swell up so much that the nerves
that go through your wrist stop sending the impulses
through from your fingertips. I think it took probably
more than two to three months for sensation to come
back in my hands. If you can’t feel
what you’re doing, it’s a very weird
thing to be taking care of a very little child. I never had a serious or
real injury before in my life until C-section. So that was a big thing. I had no idea what’s
going to happen there or how it’s going to look
like after the surgery. I had a scar. I had stretch marks. I don’t have flat
belly at all. But all that physical
changes comes together with the everyday
work of being a mom. Even the tension you
put on your muscles, you should hold her tight,
because like you shouldn’t drop her, and
things like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. The C-section, I think
it was hard on my body. And yeah, it made me
dislike my body even more. You know, obviously, even
things like now, you know, we’re thinking of going
on holiday and I’m like, I always liked
wearing bikinis. I’m Brazilian. I grew up on the beach. Now I’m like: swimsuit. I don’t want to show my belly. I don’t want to show my scar. Although I don’t
think I should be ashamed of it,
of course, but I do have to look at myself
sometimes and admit, I don’t like it. I don’t love it. I love to send the message
to people, yes, show it. Be proud of it. But I’m still working
on it, let’s say. You just keep looking at
yourself and you’re just, what is that? And it, actually, it affected
me bonding with my baby, because you’re meant to love
and protect automatically, which I did, I protected my baby, but
I just didn’t like him for what he did to me. It took me like eight
weeks to get into, “Oh, O.K., you’re my son. I love you.” I had some tears and I was
showering six times a day, because that was the
only time I could pee without feeling pain. And half my digestive system
was hanging out of my butt. It was really disgusting. How do I go to the
bathroom, you know? How do I take a shit? These were the kind
of things that I was apprehensive about. So I had, like a
two for one deal. I had like a full labor,
like 36 hours of that. And then, an
emergency C-section. I definitely had no
idea what level of pain you can be in
without being dead. It would have been really
nice to just be told, it’s going to be almost as
if you were going to die. Post-surgery recovery, that
was a lot longer than I thought. And there were a lot
more unexpected things that happened. Like the vaginal
walls were really irritated, which nobody
could really explain. I was forever bleeding, like
every day for half a year. And nobody could tell
me why or whether it was going to stop. Just before I got pregnant,
I’d finished my master’s. So I’d gone from
this being very stimulated intellectually to
those first stages of looking after an infant,
which are boring. There’s a lot of monotony. And you’re very, very tired. And so it’s a bit like,
well, if no one fancies me, my brain’s not involved in
the same kind of activity it used to do, then who am I? I started working out six
weeks after having a baby. And I did it because
I wanted to go back to how I looked as
quick as possible. It’s such a weird balance
of trying to diet, but at the same
time, worrying about are you giving enough
nutrients to your kid through your breast milk? Am I being selfish by
compromising his food supply, because I’m trying to
lose weight and look good, which is such a
superficial thing to want? And what a selfish thing
to want, you know? It felt really
important to me that I wanted to breastfeed. And I think also I
would have felt like, I had really failed
Wolfie if I hadn’t. But afterwards, my breasts,
they were quite empty. They were quite
haunted, basically. The skin never
kind of went back. When Wolfie was a year old,
I had a breast augmentation and breast lift. For me, it felt
like it was just taking ownership
back of my own body. No, yeah. Breasts are only for my
daughter now, definitely. Like nobody else
can touch them. It is. It is. It’s different. Yeah. It’s a different feeling. But it’s generally after
giving birth and being so preoccupied with keeping
her alive and everything, that I put all
that part of myself aside for a long, long time. Something that made me
self-conscious about having sex in both
pregnancies is milk, because I don’t want
anyone near my boobs while I’m breastfeeding. And it’s really
weird, because you have to change how you do
things a bit, basically. It’s not about a sex
thing, but like it’s about feeling of my
boobs only belong to Luna kind of thing,
which was so silly. But like, you only have
that tolerance and patience just for your baby
and nothing else. Sex used to be natural
and fun and spontaneous and beautiful and you
can’t wait for it or sometimes you want it. Sometimes you don’t. Now, it’s like this
psychological thing. And I never thought that
would be the problem with having a baby. The amount of pressure and
the amount of responsibility that’s placed on our shoulder
the moment we give birth and they give us this baby
and they’re like here you go, good luck. The anxiety. I was overwhelmed with
anxiety constantly. And even when
Wolfie was asleep, I couldn’t sleep,
because it was like having a tiny bomb that
could go off at any moment. I mean, I can’t look
back at the aftermath of pregnancy and birth
with anything other than, I feel traumatized
by that really, still. Yeah. I plan to have
another one as well. And all these changes
doesn’t have any effect on it, because apart from
everything, each second I share with her is just
amazing, just like heaven. Right. I mean, I oscillate
wildly between thinking, I really want to
have another baby and to I don’t want
to have any children. I don’t want to
have any family. I want to be on my own,
just on my own on Tinder. I guess after
having two children, I basically don’t give a
fuck to, like, anything else anymore. Do you know what I mean? I feel like, look,
my body’s not, yeah, it’s not how I want it to be,
but you know, who cares, basically?
World: pretty much the most important thing about you as a woman is what you look like
Woman: cares what she looks like
World: Wow, how self-absorbed. What's wrong with you?
Different woman: doesn't care what she looks like
World: Wow, how lazy. What's wrong with you?
Cheesy way to put it, but I find it ridiculous with the pressure women get on their appearances to even pose the question of it being selfish or stupid that they care about what they look. What's actually stupid is how much the world focuses on how women look.
I don't think so.
Of course it is by definition but that’s okay you should be selfish in that regard.
Just don't give bitrh, simple…
Downvoted for the idiotic title.
Sponsored by Planned Parenthood
Of course not! You’re still a human being…a happy mom is a better mom. 💕💕💕🙋🏻♀️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
You made a tiny human, now you need to take some time to take care of you 🙂 ..just as long as you know you're still beautiful !!
Women should get free plastic surgery after birth.
Strongest being in the world, Woman ❤️
I relate to these women in so many ways I was there feeling all those feelings
Great video!
hipsters shouldn't reproduce
women are so self obsessed
Simple answer: Do whatever you think is good for you, period.
Well, I wish there was a mom they could have included that had a POSITIVE birth experience. I had one so, I will share! I used hypnobirthing and purchased Chapter 4 Hypnobirthing podcast from a leading hypnobirthing expert. I was able to have a birth with very little pain! I "labored" at home for 6 hours or so and had my baby about 30 minutes after I arrived at my birthing place. I didn't birth in a hospital. I think women need to hear positive stories. I made it a point to not hear any negative birthing stories while I was pregnant. It's important to guard your mind from these experiences. If you visualize it enough, you can have a great birth! I didn't tear at all. I was up on my feet immediately after birth. My body was back to it's normal size at 7 months the first birth and is back now at 4 months. I haven't worked out more than three times. Eating a vegan diet is what I credit that to. No experience is wrong, but I wish the NYtimes could interview some women who have had POSITIVE experiences.
After having my first child via emergency c-section, I felt much like how one of them described it—traumatized. So much so, that our timeline for a second child was pushed up. I knew the longer we waited, the more unwilling I would be toward pregnancy & delivery. As much as it sucked to literally deal with diapers continuously for 4 years, I don’t regret having them 17 mos apart. It totally changes your physiology and changes you psychologically
How is it selfish to self care for oneself ?? String mental health in the mother will benefit the child
Yes, we as women do go through a lot when we’re pregnant and once we deliver our bodies go through more changes. It’s like a dam roller coaster and I’m happy to see us finally opening up about what we go through. Everyone’s experience is different but it’s great to hear everyone’s journey.
I’ve had two kids and my body never went back to what it used to look like☹️. But I’m blessed with two beautiful kids so I guess that’s my trade off.
Yeah it’s unnatural to you because women nowadays are unnatural.
Journalism nowadays.. just NO.
🤔 I literally can’t understand why people have children. Kids are great but what a toll they take on your body and life…. But do you boo! Do what you gotta do to be happy and don’t apologize. I will stick with my pets lol
This is a waste a time
And people ask why I dont want kids. Reason #1 out of about 30.
Beauty is subjective, an illusion. It's sad that entire societies of people – men, women, transgender,… – have been propagandized into thinking "beauty looks like (fill in the blank)". Standardizing beauty sells products, but leaves a scar in the psyche of billions of people around the world who don't measure up to such a completely arbitrary defining of what "beautiful" is.
For me, everyBODY (therefore, everyBELLY) is what it is, no judgement just an appreciation of their "being."
I always would encourage people to take care of their body ALL THE TIME
Why not adoption?
endless self obsession
well the health part of it is really hard but the body obsession sigh.
I'm having a kid that will destroy the world we don't have because I would like. … like…. omg like… lol wtf
Outside of having a physical &/or mental medical problem after having a baby (I had neither w/ my 2) there are more important things to focus on than what pregnancy did to my body imo. Having said that, I don't expect everyone that has a baby to be of the same opinion. This is a question that has to be answered individually, not collectively.
Wow this is excellent birth control. Thx.
So grateful for my childfree status. This life is not for me. This vid and these women solidify my choice. Bless them for their fortitude.
Wow, I am so happy I got the notification for this video. I am 20 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I struggled immensely with how much "damage" my son did to my body. He was 9 lbs 15 oz, 22 1/2 inches. I'm grateful I was all belly, but it destroyed my belly along with 2 major surgeries. It was hard because I used to model and was so vain. But ultimately I realized he is absolutely worth it. I still struggle with the pressure society puts on you, but I just have to love and accept myself. Hopefully this pregnancy doesn't create irreparable damage or make it to much worse. But either way… It's definitely tough, but the kids are a blessing.
I feel like the girl with the white hair and striped pants shouldn’t have chosen to be a mother. She’s only had negative things too say about motherhood and seems very unhappy. I know depression can be a thing mother’s experience after birth but the way she’s putting it all it just seems like she doesn’t like what she’s gotten herself into. Which makes me sad for her baby.
Tit succ
I can relate to the lady who couldn't pee without feeling pain lol…
This hit home😕
Grim. Don’t have children folks.
Did anyone els thought it was lady spreading her checks 🤣
Thank you for giving this a voice because your shamed on speaking it.
I can only imagine how traumatizing pregnancy and birth must be. I feel like a lot of women are misled before having children into thinking it will be a purely beautiful experience. I also feel like it's kind of deliberate because society wants to keep women bound to motherhood and not be empowered.
I think the concern is valid. I believe a person wants the best thing for herself is a good thing. It is beautiful to see the mothers have much love for their children.
Her insides, like a digestive system was hanging out? That's a thing? Why would anyone let a woman go home?! Ladies, you arent selfish; you need TLC
Women are beautiful.
That just reinforced why I don’t want any kids.
So eloquent!
Thank you for this.
I don't think people are educated enough about how drastic pregnancy and birth are. We use words like "lifechanging" as if they're a positive step to the next stage in someone's life but we often don't take into account that not everyone wants their life changed or will be happy with how their life changes. I, personally, do not care for babies or children but I won't disrespect parents to say that it's easy or the boring default. But, it will not make you any less of a person, to choose not to have children. That doesn't make you callous or immature or denying your "role" as a woman or man.
Not just allowance but acceptance of education and birth control and abortion allow people to make their own decisions and it's quite depressing that so many are so willing to push men and (especially) women into the roles of parents when they are unready or unwilling, just because they think it's "normal" and "moral".
THIS IS WHY THOSE THAT DON'T OWN A WOMB HAVE NO RIGHT TO LEGISLATE OVER IT
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXYUr7aVu7eBOSMdmvhewHHCdRTt5Xd1O
GOT MY POINT ACROSS – YouTube
I think the reason why women's bodies go bad is because it a way of displaying that she's taking care of a child
8:38 How is this on Youtube and not Age-Restricted?
11:16 What a thot
The New York Times is staffed entirely by yellow journalists. They are a despicable collection of racists, pedophiles, drug addicts, perverts, and liars and every single one of them should be fired.
This just reminded me to take my birth control.
Is it selfish to read a paper that seems immune to the interference of press etiquette and integrity?
Wow! Women still have more babies after going through that, wow!
顶你个肺😁😁😁
I don’t think any of these reactions are pathological, but in fact common and normal
So you choose your body over a baby????ANOTHER LIFE????? That's disgusting… beauty is not in appearance it's in mental strength, if you can fall and get back up THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!!! There is NO beauty in destroying life.
Gross and boring. The fact they’re British made it even worse.
Mommies you are the best <3
Here is a noble idea. Keep your pants on and then you won't have to be so vane that you think the way you look is more important than the life of an innocent child.
Why do we focus on controlling other people's lives? Seriously, it's high time we understood that it's no one's business whatever you look like, whatever you do, etc.
No I was someone before pregnancy
This generation complains soooooo much about everything, if they work, if they have a child, if they are a
house wives.. my gosh !!! Women around the globe and for generations been able to do what we want or we had to do,
But this generation wants recognition for everything 🙄
A British Brazilian??? Love it. Oi dos EU!
amazing documentary i love their honesty, personaly i am scared of having kids i think it takes so much energy and money and it has a big negative impact on the body, i am an antinatalist now it doesnt mean i dont love kids its just that when i have enough resources in the future i would prefer to adopt a baby rather than making one
Those boobies are nice doe
My cousin told me how, after giving birth, she started a daily exercise routine while the baby slept. The baby barely grew for a few weeks and was significantly smaller than she should have been, despite my cousin breastfeeding her.
After speaking with her doctor, they discovered the lack of her child's development was due to the exercise regimen. So she made the painful decision to cut down on exercising until the breastfeeding is no longer required, and now the baby has recovered fully and is at a normal weight.
It sounds like there is a balance to make, as is mentioned in the video, between keeping your dignity as a woman and as a human being, but also ensuring the baby is well taken care of and has everything it needs to thrive.
Super video! Thank you for sharing these insights with the world.
all these women are beautiful
Want a nice life, look good and do what you want? Do NOT have children. It is good for the planet too, there are too much people.
Why is this so negative? All Im hearing is the negative side of pregnancy. Why isnt there a neutral standpoint where there is the positive viewpoint and negative one as well. Extremely biased
Losing feeling in your hands from pregnancy is a thing?!
Im still struggling with depression after having my daughter. I barely leave home unless it's for work or grocery shopping :/ .
To be a good parent, you have to be good mentally… You HAVE TO make you a priority too… It's not a trade off, nor should it ever be. If a manicure is going to make you feel more attractive…do it. Etc… (Apply common sense)
None of them look all that bad
Thank the Lord God my savior that i had a boy;son and i didn't get any stretch marks nor preeclampsia anything during birth came out healthy and with life too live with ♡
You lil mash POTATO STOMACH!
I found this very illuminating.
What I have see is the younger you have them the faster your body bounces back to normal.
Feeling good about my body is a part of my happiness. When I'm heading towards what I envision is my optimal self im happy. It's really interesting to hear that women feel selfish for compromising that segment of happiness.
hey.. that is how you became woman.. if all of us became extremely narcissistic like these women.. there will be no next generation..it is shame to run this kind of program… Globalist agenda…
No one really care about your body!!!
One and DONE. I relate with this video so much. I waited to have my daughter until I was 28. I wanted that time to be selfish, do what I want when I want, and not be responsible for another human being yet. So glad I did. I’m now 3 years postpartum. She was a 9lb baby born at 42 weeks via emergency c-section after 12 hours of labor. I gained 70 pounds, suffered from PUPPP, extreme heartburn and worked 12-15 hour days 6-7 days a week before I had her. I went back to working out 2.5 weeks after giving birth (don’t do that) and tore a stitch in my scar. I had postpartum depression and struggled to bond with her because of how torn up my body was. Would I do it again for her? Yes. Will I have more children? No. Being a mother is hard and worth it, but it definitely changes things entirely.
all of my friends suffered from depression after giving a birth. I understand why
The simple fact is that not every woman's body can handle pregnancy as well as others. Some women will be stuck with long-term damage to their everyday bodily functions for the rest of their life. On the other side of that coin there are women who's bodies will never allow them to conceive a pregnancy. I feel like artificial wombs will be the way of the future very soon. If humanity can find a way to remove the strain and complications that go with carrying a baby to term and giving birth, I'd be there for it. https://futurism.com/the-byte/grow-babies-artificial-wombs
The simple fact is that not every woman's body can handle pregnancy as
well as others. Some women will be stuck with long-term damage to their
everyday bodily functions for the rest of their life. On the other side
of that coin there are women who's bodies will never allow them to
conceive a pregnancy. I feel like artificial wombs will be the way of
the future very soon. If scientist can find a way to remove the strain
and complications that go with carrying a baby to term and giving birth,
I'd be there for it. https://metro.co.uk/2019/05/14/human-babies-born-using-an-artificial-womb-possible-in-a-decade-8156458/
Got Pregnant after loosing 140lbs 😩 definitely challenging to see your body completely change when you don’t have any control
Thank you. I also had very mixed feelings after birth. I felt physically injured and not in control of my body’s functions. 21 years later and I am still annoyed by my c-section poof. It doesn’t preoccupy me but it is an issue in certain moments.
Can someone PLEASE TELL ME where that lady got her boobs done???!!!! THEY LOOK AMAZING @ 8:45 PLEASE!!
How could it possibly be selfish to take care of yourself after you selflessly gave up your body to carry a child.
"I'M NOT GONNA BE A MOM!" that's what I was thinking while watching this video
I’m glad how honest all these women were about post partum feelings.
I am pregnant now . Though I am excited being pregnant is not cute . I am always tired , bones hurt , breast is always swollen and hurting I pray after it all I am not disfigured
I think wanting to feel good about yourself and changing it is a normal non selfish thing. But when it goes into body dismorphia. That's when things have gone too far.
Of course it is. Is is your body and you what to reset it for you own benefit. Not that there is anything bad about it, but it is selfish.
Giving birth is one of the most painful things you can go through emotionally physically and financially… The idea that you have an entire life depending on you for at least a quarter of your life becomes another terrifying part of it… And the idea that a woman should care about herself in the slightest bit after having a child is looked at as being selfish. You start to tell yourself that the children will eventually make you happy or that there is Joy within this pain at some point… If you don't learn to be happy again you will live a painfully depressing life.
I appreciate the honesty from these women. We should know what to expect. Thank you!
Honestly , this was very interesting to watch. But why are these women so ashamed of their bodies?
Like it normal, its fantastic, just take care of it (which isnt selfish) and it will be fine. But dont be ashamed
From men to women. If you are worried about men not liking your body don't. There are many guys that will like any body type you have. I promise.
Terrible 😥 aiyahhh .